


Bloody Hell....

by orphan_account



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, England sneezes, F/M, Gender Issues, M/M, Other, Sudden periods
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-03 21:21:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4115347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Whilst trying to prank the BTT, England causes strife for the entire world by sneezing halfway through his mystic chant. Suddenly, France, Spain, and Prussia are really, really, female. <br/>If somewhat sexual situations bother you, please don't read this. Gender changes can be - interesting  - for certain persons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Spain, France, and Prussia Recive an Unexpected Surprise

**Author's Note:**

> hey! So this is my first multi chapter Hetalia fanfic, and I just wanted to let you guys know a few things.   
> First off, this was inspired by some pictures I found on Pinterest, this is not a original idea.  
> second, I will be referring to Gilbert, Antonio, and Francis as "He's" for the whole story. It's a little weird, but it makes it easier for me.   
> Thanks so much for reading!

“Flying Mint Bunny, to me!” Arthur cheered, dramatically sweeping his dark cape over his shoulder and ducking into his lair. 

That is, his tiny office. What with all the business going on, he hadn’t actually had time to make a real lair.

But the office would do for now. 

He cackled manically, pulling a humongous book off the shelf and laying it on his desk. The cover had unintelligible symbols scrawled over every available surface. It also smelled faintly of Cinnamon rolls. 

“Flying Mint Bunny, this will be the day! The day I get revenge on those dirty bastards for ever screwing with me!”

Flying Mint Bunny nodded cheerfully, completely unaware of the ominous and vengeful mood. 

Arthur’s eyes scanned the page, lighting up when they found the perfect incantation. Of course! It would be perfect! The one thing France could never handle! 

“I have it!” He shrieked, raising a hand in the air. He paused a moment, waiting for the lights to dim or thunder to pound, but nothing happened. Undaunted, he   
propped the book upright, and cracked his knuckles. 

“This is it.” He whispered under his breath. “This will be the day.”

Arthur rubbed his nose on his sleeve once before clearing his throat. Blasted allergies. 

Anyways. The Curse. 

“Flying Mint Bunny! Dim the light!”

He waited until the rabbit had turned out the fluorescent light and had drawn the curtains before he turned back to his book, which appeared almost to be glowing. 

He cleared his throat again.

“Gods of above, queen of the night. Lords of breakfast cereal and gnomes of no height! Lend me your powers, your points, your cards! Send me your curses, your blights, your box cars!”

He took a deep breath. This was the important part. He couldn’t mess this next stanza up.

“Blight these three fiends, France, Spain and Prussia. Give them hell cause – they – “A loud sneeze leapt from Arthur’s nose. “Deserve it!” He squeaked, pressing his fingers over his mouth.

What had he just done? Who knows what could happen? They could be dead for all Arthur knew! What if he accidentally summoned Russia again? 

Arthur carefully searched the room. Nope. No Russia. Okay. That was good. 

He sat down in an office chair and rested his head in his hands. Maybe everything would be fine. Maybe it went just as he had planned. Nothing looked wrong. No   
one was frantically calling or texting him. He didn’t smell anything burning. 

He was certain he would know if anything had gone desperately wrong. He was a magician, a wizard after all! Of course he would know!

He grinned, thinking of the brightly colored hair they would be running around with. Oh, what joy to have magic available to blight people with! France was going   
to hate having puke colored hair. 

Arthur grinned. It was going to be a good day. 

 

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

 

“Jesus fucking Christ! Who the fuck are you? What did you do with Antonio? Get the fuck out of his bed you dirty little whore, and tell me where he is!”   
Antonio blinked sleepily. He looked up to find an incensed Romano standing over him, waving his arms and jabbering in Italian.

“Five more minutes Baby.” Antonio muttered. He had slept terribly last night. He was pretty sure he had had a terrible dream, but he couldn’t quite remember what it was. He remembered it had hurt a lot, but that was about it. It was a little hard to think with Romano cussing him out at – what time was it anyway? 

“Don’t you baby me, you little bitch. Tell me where Antonio is this instant!”

Antonio sat up and yawned, stretching like a cat. “Why do you keep asking me where he is?” He murmured.

Wow. That was weird. 

He cleared his throat. “Lovi, honey I – “

His eyes widened as his hands flew up to his throat. His voice had never been especially deep, but it had never been quite that high either. 

“Lovi?” He asked, looking down at himself. “Am I drunk? Did France give me drugs again?”

“You’re – wait – what?”

Antonia grinned, and poked what appeared to be a breast attached to his chest. “Wow. That feels weird.”

“Holy Fuck.”Romano muttered, sitting down on the bed next to Antonio. “Who the hell are you?”

“I’m fairly certain that I’m still Antonio.”

“What country are you?”

“Spain.”

“What’s my favorite – “

“Tomatoes.”

Romano glared at Antonio. “Why the fuck are you a girl?”

“I have no clue. “He poked his breast again. “This feels a lot more comfortable than I thought it would.” 

Antonio stood up, and walked across the room. He stared at himself in the mirror, a slow grin spreading over his face. 

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Romano muttered, looking everywhere but at Antonio. This was too much for his bi little mind to handle. 

Antonio posed with one hip stuck out to the side, fingertips teasingly pulling down the collar of a shirt that now hardly stayed on at all. Damn. He was a sexy   
woman. He wiggled happily, in a way that would usually just shake his arms around. Now, with his ne accessories, he bounced in a way that was kind of terrifying.

“Do I have a nice ass or what?” he asked Romano, turning around and peering over his shoulder. He shook his butt a little, yanking the drawstring on his tattered   
short tighter. Despite the fact that he really wanted to know what it looked like down there, he was pretty sure that would be too much for Romano. 

“How the fuck did this happen?” Romano squeaked, crossing his arms over his chest and staring at Spain’s ass. 

“I have no clue. But I know who we could ask.” A slow smile spread over his/her face. “We should ask him if I can stay like this long enough to get laid. I’ve always wondered what – “ 

“Nope!” Romano shrieked. “Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope! I’m not fucking you! You’re the one that’s in charge, not me!” He turned and buried his face in a pillow.

“I’m sure we could – “

Romano started cussing viciously into the poor pillow. 

Antonio sauntered over, his normal self confident swagger now just a little too sexualized. 

He leaned over Romano, and gently touched his shoulders. “It’s okay Lovi. We’ll fix this. I’ll get my dick back eventually, I promise.” 

Romano moaned, pulling away from his touch. “Get some real fucking clothes on.” He muttered, his blush hidden in the pillow. “You look like a little slut.” 

 

~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Francis lay, sprawled out on his bed, dead asleep. He yawned once, rolling over and curling up on this stomach. Wow. That was weird. If there weren’t any blankets on his bed, why was it all like, bunched up there?

He sat up, and shrieked, falling off the bed. Having fallen asleep in only his boxer shorts, his new additions were blatantly displayed. 

He sat on the floor, breathing hard. This was some sort of weird dream. He cleared his throat. No need to panic. He just had to –

Ow. Okay. Nevermind. He was awake. 

Francis stood up, and rubbed his arm thoughtfully in the place where he had pinched himself. He looked down at his ‘girls’ and sighed. 

This was going to be a weird day. A really weird day.

He checked inside his pants, just to make sure. Yup. That’s not a dick. Wow. This was weird. 

Francis walked into the bathroom, and looked at himself in the mirror. Well. If this wasn’t his own body, he’d sleep with it. He gently cupped his breasts, and grinned. This was going to be great. No matter how he came to be female, or why. 

He could dress up super seductively, and make men drool all over him like he had drooled over girls before. He could totally rock seductive. Totally. He could get laid as a girl. He’d always wanted to do that. He’d always been curious as to what it felt like to have a – 

His train of thought was interrupted by a text message from his cell phone. He jumped out of the bathroom, unnaturally excited. He flipped open his cheap phone.

The message was from Antonio. 

“This is going to sound really weird…. But have you experienced any odd sexual changes recently?”

Francis chuckled. He quickly shifted his weight onto one hip, standing like a high school cheerleader. A half naked high school cheerleader. 

“If by Sexual change you mean I have tits and a pussy, yes.” 

The send button was pressed with a self satisfied smirk. So Spain was having gender struggles too. Odd. Had all the countries suddenly been turned into women? 

Francis quickly went to his contact list and selected the first name he saw. 

“Hey, Al, By any chance did you wake up a girl today?”

Francis wasn’t sure if he wanted everyone to suddenly be women or not. It would be funny as hell, that was for certain. Germany would be all like “I’m a manly   
German woman!” and Italy would be the same, just sexier. Russia would even more terrifying and Canada – would Canada have a big butt, big boobs, or great legs? 

Wait. If every guy was a girl, would that mean the girl’s had been turned into guys? 

That could be interesting. 

As in, he’d have to avoid Hungary to save his life, Ukraine would probably have a really big dick, and Liechtenstein – 

Francis started to laugh as his phone buzzed. He couldn’t actually imagine Liechtenstein as a boy. It was just too weird. 

He opened the text message, rubbing dirt out of the corner of his eye. God, it was weird to have long eyelashes. 

“Noooooooooooo….. Why?”

A moment later. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

Francis pondered how to respond. He could totally make a sex change surgery joke. But that didn’t seem accurate… 

He settled on an ambivalent “Just curious.” And turned off his phone. 

Now. For sexy clothes. He’d had women stay the night and leave items of clothing behind before. He’d be able to find something to wear that was suitable. He knew he had this one ladies lingerie still. Okay, that made it sound weird. He’d never actually even touched her, she was a sales lady selling underwear. He was just a pathetic single man. 

Did being female mean he’d need to change his name? Francis technically could be a girl name… It was a super weird sounding girl name though. Well, he could   
just have everyone call him Frankie. That sounded girly. You know, like those high-school girls that added “ie” sounds onto the end of all of their names. 

But still. Being Sexy. Focus. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Gilbert pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders. It was cold. Really cold. 

He made an irritated sound, and buried his face deeper in the pillow. He sighed deeply. It had been a long night. He had had the worst nightmare. It was awful. There had been loud noises and it hurt and then he kept looking down at himself and seeing breasts. It was bizarre, and now he felt uncomfortable, slightly achy, like he had run a long time.

His brow furrowed. He hadn’t done any training yesterday, he was certain. 

Oh well. Sleep. Focus on sleep. 

Gilbird woke up, chirping sleepily. He ruffled his feathers, un-tucking his head from under his wing. He looked around sleepily, already starving for breakfast.   
He let out a horrified squawk when his black little eyes focused on Gilbert. He flew furiously around his best friend’s head, trying to wake him up. For a minute, he thought he was somehow in the wrong person’s bedroom. But it still smelled like Gilbert, acted like Gilbert. It was Gilbert’s room. 

The only thing wrong with the picture was the delicate face and nose, soft waist, and what must be female genitalia hidden underneath those tangled blankets. 

He whistled louder. Prussia had to wake up and see this. He had to fix it. 

Gilbert sat halfway up, blinked with half lidded eyes at the fluffy little bird. “Vhat?” He asked, voice slipping into a thick, sleepy accent. 

Gilbird bounced on his short legs, trying to use his wings to gesture to his chest. 

“Vhat’s wrong?” Gilbert sat up, tossing the blanket to the floor. 

Gilbird nearly passed out. Jesus Christ. Gilbert wasn’t a guy anymore. This was just too much. He flew up, and grabbed a strand of hair in his beak, trying to pull   
Gilbert to the mirror nailed sloppily to the wall. 

Gilbert stood up, and staggered after the frantic little bird. What was wrong? Was someone hurt? Did something happen? What was going on?

“Come on little guy, what’s wr – AAAACH!” He jumped back, staring at himself again. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh. What the what?” 

Gilbert crept closer to the mirror. He ran his hands up and down his sides, patting himself warily. 

“Holy. Fucking. Shit.” He murmured, turning to look at himself from behind. “I am a freaking woman, apparently.” 

Gilbird sighed. He was supposed to fix it, not talk about it!

“I have fucking tits. And legs. “ Gilbert hiked up his old sweat pants to reveal muscular, smooth legs. “Damn do I have legs.”

A slow, broad smile crept over Gilbert’s face. “Do you know how many people I could freak out?’

“Shit. Mathew.” If it was physically possible for Gilbert to become any paler, he would have. How the hell was he supposed to tell his boyfriend that he was a fricking chick? And how the hell did this happen anyway?

“What the hell am I supposed to do Gilbird?!” Prussia yelled, grabbing a bathrobe and pulling it over his new femininity. “How am I supposed to tell people what   
the hell is wrong with me if I don’t know?!”

Gilbird chirped sadly, having no good ideas. 

Gilbert curled up in a small ball on the floor in front of the mirror. He poked his face distantly, vaguely curious as to why he was suddenly so self conscious. Was this a girl thing? 

Like, he had always been more easily embarrassed than he’d ever like to admit, but this was a whole new level of pathetic. 

Like. Wow. Where those tears?

Gilbird couldn’t stand this. It was too much. Not only was he not a he, he was crying!

Gilbird flew to the bedside table, and tried to pick up Gil’s phone. He managed to push it to the floor, where it bounced to Prussia’s side.

Gilbert looked at it with a blank expression. “What do you want me to do?”

Gilbird turned the phone on with his beak and chirped. 

“Who do you want me to call?” Gilbert sniffed, rubbing his eyes furiously. He hadn’t just been crying. He was strong. And manly. And God, this was weird. What was   
he going to tell Mathew?

He tried not to think about that. 

Gilbird, being the smart, tech savvy little thing that he was, went to the contacts list and pulled up France’s name. 

“This is probably a really bad plan.” Gilbert muttered. “But it’s kind of my only option, isn’ it?”

Gilbird chirped consolingly. 

Gilbert picked up the phone. Phone call wouldn’t work. His voice sounded like fricking Anne Hathaway, Francis would know right away something was up. 

Texting was the only way.

Now. How to put this. 

Gilbert, being the ingenious man/woman/person that he was, decided o go with the blunt approach. 

“Francis, I woke up this morning a GIRL.”

Moments later. “Same. You think it’s a concidence?”

Gilbert wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Either Francis was having Gender difficulties too, or he was being an enormous pain in the ass. Gil didn’t think he could handle pain in the ass Francis right now. He felt like he wanted to hide under the bed for a month. 

“Seriously?” He typed, sniffing again. He decided he hated being a girl, if they did when something went wrong was cry. 

Suddenly, his phone rang. 

He jumped, hesitantly answering. “H-hello?”

“This is Frankie baby! And boy, is my fem body sexy!”

“Oh my God Francis.” Gilbert muttered as Gilbird nestled on his shoulder. “Sometimes I really hate you.”

“You shouldn’t. If you were still a guy, you’d get a boner just looking at me.”

“No I wouldn’t. I’m gay. Francis, what are we going to do?” He decided he didn’t like how obviously his female voice quavered. 

“No need to fear, ma Cherie! I was texting Spain, and he’s a chick too. Romano must be flipping his shit right now.” 

“Is it just us or – “

“It’s just us. I checked.” 

Gilbert could hear Francis cracking his – her – whatever – knuckles. 

“What made this happen?”

“Antonio’s checking that out. I think he’s placing calls or texts to England, then Norway. Since they like, see voodoo stuff or whatever. Don’t you worry your pretty little head, my dear. We’ll work this thing out.” 

Gilbert sighed. “Okay. Now what I am supposed to do, since I’m like, a woman?”

Francis laughed evilly, sending chills down Gilbert’s spine.

“Scare as many people as you can. Get laid. Try not to freak Mathew out too much, he’s sheltered.” Francis paused. “Don’t try and put on any makeup though.   
We’re supposed to be guys, so it won’t work, I promise.”

Gilbert groaned. “I don’t even want to know.” 

Francis giggled. “You really don’t.” 

Gilbert hugged himself again. “I’m going to call Ludwig first, since he’ll have the biggest heart attack.”

“That’s the spirit!” Francis cheered. “While you do that, I’m going to try and get laid.”

“You can’t. It’s - “ he glanced at the clock on his dresser. “Nine forty two. No man in his right mind is going to try and have sex with you now.”   
Gilbert said this knowing that A, it was only partway true, and B, that any futile attempt he made to discourage Francis from trying sex on the other side would fail.

Francis just chuckled again. “We’ll see about that. G’bye!”

“Bye.” Gilbert said, even though he knew Francis wouldn’t hear him. 

Now…. To stress out Ludwig.


	2. Germany, Liechtenstein, and Hungary recieve a Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Above mentioned persons find out about our trio's predicament... Some are less sympathetic than others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some Italian spoken by our friend Italy that will make you laugh if you take the time to look up what it means! (I know, I'm a terribly mean author...)

Ludwig had been awake for hours, cleaning and training. He glanced down at his watch. It was after nine am. How was it physically possible for someone to sleep this late? Just because it was the weekend didn’t mean Italy could sleep the day away! There was work to get done.

Besides, he wanted someone to be with. It could get lonely in the mornings with no one to be with. 

As he marched quietly to Feliciano’s bedroom, he heard the phone ring. 

Ludwig muttered angrily under his breath. He wanted to go find his Italy, not answer the phone. Who the hell would want him on the weekend anyway? He was, admittedly, kind of a boring person. Like, what had he just spent his whole morning doing? 

He turned around, picking up the phone with a tired sigh. “Hallo?” 

“Hallo bruder.”

“Who is this?” Ludwig really hoped this wasn’t going to turn into another string of prank calls. He was so done with those. 

He heard the muffled laughter of an unfamiliar woman. This was a prank call, wasn’t it? If this was Poland again, he was going to have to try very hard not to rip that fabulously passive aggressive man’s liver out. He got it. WW II was terrible. 

“Who is this?”

“Ludwig, you’re not going to like what I’m about to say, but I pray you’ll still accept me for who I really am. “

“Vhat?”

“Ludwig, this is me, Gilbert. I – I had a sex change surgery. I’m a woman. I’m who I really am now.” 

Ludwig stood there for a few moments, not sure of how to respond. “Vhat?”

“Ludwig, it’s me, your sister.” He thought he heard muffled laughter, but it could have been a weird crying sound too.  
This couldn’t really be Gilbert. He would have known. Somehow, he would have known. At the very least, he would have heard it from someone else. This was someone playing a joke on him. Gilbert trusted him enough o tell him things like this, right? He trusted him enough to ask questions about gay sex. That was a   
little different though. 

But not by much. 

“Who is this really?” Ludwig asked angrily. “This isn’t funny you know!”

“Ludwig.” The unfamiliar voice with the similar accent sounded like she was about to cry. “Ludwig I need you to try and understand. Please. I’ve always felt uncomfortable being a man, and I never felt like it was who really was. I didn’t tell you about this sooner because I was afraid that you wouldn’t love me for who I know I am. I hope you can try to understand.”

Ludwig was pretty sure that those crying noises were fake. They sounded really fake. However, every emotional sound Gilbert ever made around him sounded fake. Could he really have – 

Wait. He wasn’t taking this seriously. This was obviously a prank call. Gilbert probably set it up himself. He probably was paying someone to do this. Ukraine maybe?

“Ukraine, if this is you, stop. This prank isn’t funny.” 

“This isn’t a prank, I swear. Please West, try to accept this!”

“If he’s paying you to make more than one prank call, I will literately pay you double whatever he’s currently giving you to stop.” He would do anything to make things like this stop. 

“Jesus Christ West, it’s really me.”

Ludwig sighed a sigh of deep regret. “If you’re really Prussia, which I know you’re not, then you’ll be able to answer these questions.”

“Alright.” Her voice wobbled. This was too surreal. He couldn’t believe that any of the female countries he knew would take it this far. Only Liechtenstein might be   
bullied into holding out this long, but he knew her voice backwards. It wasn’t her.“Shoot.” 

“Who are you dating right now?”

“Mathew Williams, Aka Canada, and he’s the most supportive, sweet person I could ever find. He’s the one that encouraged me to take action and get the surgery   
and the hormones. He loves me for who I really am.”

Damn. This person was good. Most people knew that Gil was dating someone, they just couldn’t quite remember his name. Now he had to come up with something really creative. 

“What did I call you when I was little and couldn’t speak clearly?”

The Prussia impersonator laughed. “You called me Pwussia, you called me Big Bruder, and when you were really mad at me, you called me shit face. Then I’d have   
to wash out your mouth with soap, cause you weren’t allowed to cuss. I tried to get you to call me General, but the nickname never stuck.”

Germany glowered. This person was well prepared. Well. He could come up with harder questions. He was German, after all. 

“What did you say to me the day that they took you away?” he asked, his voice cracking a little. The question was a little too personal for his comfort, but it was the   
one question he knew would stump anyone but Prussia. 

On the other end, Gilbert felt a stab of guilt. He hated making Germany think about what had happened. Of course the man would come up with the one question that would make him guilty as hell. 

“I told you I was going to find a way back.” Gilbert sniffed, real tears springing to his eyes. “That I wouldn’t let them take away my awesome little bruder.” 

Germany moaned, holding his head in his hands. That would never be something Prussia would tell anyone, no matter how good the practical joke. This was real. 

This was real, and weird as fuck. 

“What am I supposed to call you know?” He asked, resigned to this new facet of reality. “Are you going to have a new name or – “He trailed off, too awkward to finish his sentence. 

Gilbert suppressed a chuckle. Mission accomplished. “I want to be called Gilbert still, for right now. When I find my true name – “He posed, even though he knew   
that no one could see him. “I’ll just know.”

Germany sighed. “I don’t know much about this. Do you – are you – “

“I look completely female, I promise.” Gilbert smiled evilly. “Would you like to see?”

Germany blushed. “Whatever you’re comfortable with. I – I’m not – God, I’m sorry, this is weird.”

Prussia giggled. “I’m so glad you accept me.”

“This won’t change anything, I promise.” Ludwig stood up straighter. “We’re still family, right?”

Gilbert choked back a laugh that would have been way too loud for the situation. “Right.” He kind of hoped the laugh sounded like a held back sob, cause he was having a really hard time keeping this joke together. He wasn’t sure he could keep it up for much longer. It was just too damn funny. 

Ludwig didn’t know what to say now. He’d never been good with emotional things, let alone a sex change. He’d barely come to terms with the fact that he was gay. In a strange way, he was proud of Gilbert. He himself would never have been strong enough to do that. 

“Okay, I’m really sorry!” Gilbert squawked, breaking into a long string of “keseses’s”. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry! I didn’t think you’d – God I’m sorry.” 

“What?” Germany bristled. It had been a joke, hadn’t it? He’d been getting emotional, and it was just a joke. “Gilbert I am going to kill you.” 

“No, no! I really am a girl! I just didn’t have a sex change surgery!” 

Ludwig resisted hanging up the phone then and there. This was either a messed up practical joke, or Gilbert’s drugged way of trying to say he wanted a sex change surgery. “That makes no sense.” 

“I woke up this morning with tits.”

Ludwig blushed at the course language. “You – what?”

“France is fairly certain that England cast a spell on us, but he’s enjoying himself too much right now to ask for us to get switched back. 

“Us?”Ludwig squeaked. There were more? 

“Yeah, Spain, France, and me. We’re chicks!”

“I am going to kill you.” Ludwig muttered. “I am going to kill you slowly. This isn’t funny, Bruder.”

Gilbert laughed. “I’m coming over to your house, I’ll show you. Just warning you, I have the best legs a girl who’s supposed to be a man has ever had. See you in ten!” 

Ludwig stood, holding the phone numbly. He stared blankly at the wall, unaware of the dull beep of the phone. 

That was weird as hell. Maybe he was still asleep. Maybe this was another weird dream. Like that one he’d had were everyone had on maid dresses and Italy was a super familiar looking girl. 

He shook his head. Gilbert was a woman? England cast a spell then? If that was true, then Gil probably deserved it. Ludwig didn’t want to think about what the BTT could possibly have done to incense the Brit so much. 

Ludwig set the phone on the hook and turned around, face still blank. He walked into Feliciano’s room, and crawled into his bed, gently scooting the sleeping boy over.

“What is it Lud?”Feli asked, sitting up a little. He yawned, and rubbed one eye with the back if his hand. 

“Gilbert is a girl.” He murmured, wrapping his arms around his little prince. 

Feli snuggled closer, closing his eyes again. “Oh, okay.” He muttered sleepily, not comprehending what Ludwig had actually said. “Stay here, okay? You’re warm.”

“Alright.” Ludwig said gently, smoothing the blanket over Feli’s shoulders. “I will.”

Ludwig closed his eyes, and tried not to think about magic, or Gilbert, how much trouble the Bad Touch Trio could get into if they were female.   
It was just too stressful. 

 

~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Hungary sighed, and surveyed her good work. This kitchen she pronounced clean and perfect. She had spent all morning cleaning it, after all. It should be perfect, with so much effort having gone into it. 

She set down her broom and sat down at the table. She made a happy noise, and closed her eyes. A long morning’s work deserved a nice treat. Maybe she could take herself out for some coffee and a bagel? She could take Liechtenstein with her! 

This was a good plan. She liked this plan. Liechtenstein was her baby. This was going to be great. 

She got up, and walked into the living room, where she had left her cell phone on the couch last night. 

Just as she was about to call Liechtenstein, her phone received a text message. 

She opened it hopefully. Maybe it was Austria. Or Prussia. She actually hoped it wasn’t Prussia. She’d much prefer an Italy or a Germany on a Saturday morning.   
Maybe Italy and Germany could come with them? 

God. It was France. Just her luck. 

She almost didn’t open the message. She so did not want to get pulled into one of his schemes today. She wanted a nice day to herself, not a day spent cleaning up after some screw-ups mess! 

“I need some tampons and Pads, RIGHT NOW.”

A few moments later. “PLEASE.”

Hungary wasn’t sure if she wanted to laugh or cry. Why the hell would he want tampons? God only knows the kind of things he’d try and do with them. 

“…. Why?” She typed slowly, not sure she wanted the answer. 

Well, tampon mystery aside, Hungary was not going to be deterred from her nice day out. She was going to get her classy but sexy clothes on, and she was going to pick up Liechtenstein, and they were going to have a fabulous girl day. 

She was not going to get roped into one of France’s schemes. 

“I need them. It’s an emergency.”

“What, you a girl now or something?” She typed furiously as she stomped upstairs. 

She ignored the frantic buzzing of her phone as she got dressed in a short green sundress and Big black sunglasses. 

Hungary was tying the strap on her sandals when her phone let out one last pathetic buzz. 

“Fine you dirty bastard, I’ll read your fricking texts.” She muttered, mentally cussing him out. This day was so not going as planned. 

“Elizabeta, please. ;^; O.O ;O;”

“If you love me at all, just leave them by the front door. You don’t even have to come in.”

“Don’t come in at all. Just leave them by the door.”

“Baby, PLEASE. I NEED YOU. I NEED YOUR PADS. HALP.”

“HALP GOD IT HURTS.”

Hungary decided not to question any of these texts. She simply sighed, grabbed her emergency bag of feminine products, and walked out the door.  
This was only going to be a two minute stop. She would pick up Liechtenstein on the way. She wasn’t going to get sucked into anything. 

Damn her motherly side for guilting her into this. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

“France?” Liechtenstein called as Hungary knocked on the front door of his house. “France, are you okay? Do you need medical attention?”

“France, I need an explanation!” Hungary called. She was so done with this day. Her plan had been to leave the products next to the door, ring the bell, and run,   
but Liechtenstein was just too sweet for that. Never mind that no man in his right mind would ever need a pad or a tampon. It’s not even like he had a girlfriend   
that he’d need to buy emergency supplies for! 

“I am not leaving this porch until you tell me why the hell you need tampons on a perfectly beautiful Saturday in May, when I could be out having a wonderful   
breakfast with Liechtenstein. She’s the only reason I’m actually talking to you, sweet thing she is!”

“Just leave them by the door!” A warbled, mangled voice called.

“Why?”Hungary demanded. 

“Please just do it.”

“France, is something wrong? Are you hurt?” Liechtenstein asked in her sweet little voice. “Your voice sounds really weird. Do you have a cold? Do you need   
medicine?” 

“No, I don’t.” A pathetic, high pitched voice moaned. “Alright. I am going to open the door. Promise not to scream, alright?”

Hungary and Liechtenstein shared a terrified look. What exactly had France gotten himself into this time? 

They watched in anxious anticipation as the doorknob slowly twisted open, and a pale, bathrobe clad blonde stood in front of them.

Liechtenstein yelped, taking half a step back. 

Hungary just sighed, handed him the package of tampons, and turned to walk down the steps. Whatever this was, she wanted no part in it. “Come on   
Liechtenstein; let’s go, before we’re gender bent too.” 

“Hunagry! We can’t just leave him – her – what if this is her first time?” Liechtenstein gave Hungary a pathetic look. “You remember how bad it was with Switzerland…”

Hungary stopped walking halfway down the path. Curse Liechtenstein and her sweet little heart. She clenched her fists, took a deep breath, and stomped into   
France’s house, roughly pushing past him. “I hate all you.”

Liechtenstein gently grabbed Francis’s hand, and led him into the house. “Are you still France?” She asked, a curious look on her face. “Or are you somebody else?” 

“Yes, I am. England somehow cursed us and turned us into women.”

Liechtenstein nodded sagely, as if accidental curses were an uncomfortable but every day occurrence. “That must be really weird.”

Francis chuckled dryly. “I’m bleeding from my nether regions, hell yeah its weird.” He looked into the bag of supplies. “Which ones are I supposed to use?” He asked, pulling out a tampon and staring at it blankly. 

“Well, pads are easiest, but tampons are more comfortable.” Liechtenstein shrugged; completely cool about having this conversation with someone who was really a man. Living with Switzerland had adjusted her well to strange circumstances. 

“Tampons?” Francis questioned. He knew how pads worked, everyone did. But he had never really understood exactly what a tampon was. Despite his many – okay, few – encounters with the female body, he didn’t understand exactly where they went or why. 

“Yeah.” Liechtenstein gave him a long look. “You don’t know what those are, do you?” 

France would have lied if he wasn’t in this particular situation. “No, I don’t.”

She patted his arm. “That’s okay. They’re tube shaped, as you can see, and you push them inside you to catch the blood.”

France winced, making a pained sound. He buried his face in his hands, dropping the tampon to the floor. 

“It’s okay, it really isn’t that bad! Once you figure out how to use them, they’re actually much more comfortable than pads.” 

“If that man has any kind of dick at all, he’ll use a tampon.”Hungary yelled from the other room. She had been listening to the whole conversation, and was royally pissed at Francis for getting himself into this mess. She’d just have to eek as much sick joy out of this as possible. 

France moaned. Now that she’d made it an object of honor, he couldn’t back out. He’d just have to – have to – He moaned and buried his face in his tiny feminine hands. This was too much. He couldn’t do it. 

“Grow a dick!” Hungary yelled again, still pissed that her day had been taken over by a gender swapping, trouble making, two timing Frenchie bastard. 

Liechtenstein gave Francis a sympathetic look, and pulled the box of tampons out of the bag. She handed them to him with a small, encouraging smile, and   
pointed to the side of the box. “There are instructions right here.” She whispered, looking around furtively.

“I heard that! You have to let him figure it out on his freaking own, or it’s cheating!” 

France patted Liechtenstein’s head thankfully, and trudged to the bathroom with the air of a soldier who was going out to war with the promise of never returning. 

He gave her one last pathetic look before closing and locking the bathroom door shut behind him.

 

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~

 

Romano moaned as Antonio pulled another dress off the rack, “How do you think this one would look on me?”

“If you’re trying to make me get a boner by watching you try on slutty dresses, it’s not working.” Romano lied, shifting slightly on his feet. 

“But Lovi, this one isn’t slutty. Just look!”

Romano narrowed his eyes at the dress. “It’s barely going to cover your butt.”

Antonio shrugged. “So?”

“I’m not buying any clothes for you just because you’re a girl and you made this a date.” 

“But loviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.” Antonio whined, draping his arm around Lovi’s shoulder. “Baby.” 

Romano decided he didn’t like the way Antonio was now just a little bit shorter than him. He would never admit it, but he loved the way that Antonio would wrap   
him in his arms, completely engulfing him.

Well. That wasn’t going to happen any time soon. 

“I hate you.” Romano muttered as Spain pulled another tight dress off a rack. 

“I love you too baby.” Antonio murmured sultrily, grinning evilly. 

“Go to hell you bastard!” Romano half yelled, shifting again. “Go to hell…” 

 

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

 

Gilbert crept through Ludwig’s front door, a small smile on his face. It had taken him a bit longer than he had expected to get here, as he had had to duck into several alleys along the way. He didn’t want anyone else to see him yet. Not until they found out what was going on. His emo female side screamed in terror every time he even thought of walking proudly down the street. 

It was scary. He didn’t like it one bit. 

“Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudwiiiiiiiiiiiiiig.” He called, practically shaking in excitement. He could not wait to see the look on Ludwig’s face. This was going to be gooooooooooooood! 

He crept down a hallway, peering through every door. Had he left the house? When he knew his brother/sister was coming? That would be rude! 

“Ludwig?” he whispered, peering into a dark room with a half open door. 

As his eyes adjusted to the dim light, he saw Feliciano and Ludwig, curled up on the bed. They both seemed to be asleep, although he knew from past experience that Ludwig was good at faking that. 

“Ludwig!” he called, walking into the room and turning on the light. “Baby it’s me, your sister-brother-thing!”

Ludwig bolted upright, standing up and tossing the blanket to the side. Feliciano flopped to the side, having been uprooted from his warm pillow person. 

“You weren’t kidding, were you?” Ludwig finally asked, after a long silence. He looked Gilbert up and down a second time, just to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. White, raggedly cut hair down to her – his - his waist. Slim shoulders, wider hips, and - Gilbert was right. He did have nice legs. 

Feli sat up, and yawned with the most pathetic look on his face. “Why’d you – Ahg! Who’re you?”

“I – “He placed a hand over his heart, and stood up straighter broadening his shoulders. “Am Gilbert Beilschmidt, the one and only.”

“But you’re a girl.” Feli blinked confusedly, flapping his arm at Ludwig in an attempt to make him come back. 

“England did something screwy with his magic. Antonio’s supposed to be finding out what. You’d think he’d have figured it out by now, but I dunno. Maybe England accidentally turned himself into a girl and is hiding.” 

“Oh.” Feli grabbed the hem of Ludwig’s shirt and pulled. “Es ist kalt!” He muttered in a really bad German accent. “Kommen – Kommt – Come here!”

“Oh. Auch. Um.” Ludwig sat down on the edge of the bed, and pulled Feli halfway into his lap. The little Italian promptly curled up, and closed his eyes. 

“Stunned by this hot bod?” Gilbert asked, dragging his fingers up his leg and shaking his butt. 

“Yes, but not for the reason you’re insinuating. What exactly is your plan for fixing this?” 

Gilbert shrugged. “Like I said, Francis said Antonio said he would deal with it. Right now, all I have to worry about is making sure I don’t melt some guy’s brain with all this sexy.”

“What are you going to tell Mathew?” Ludwig asked. He tightened his arms around Feli as he seemingly fell back asleep, and went totally limp. 

Gilbert groaned, pushing his fingers through his wind tangled hair. “I – I don’t want to think about that.”

“You’re going to have to tell him, or I will.”

“Don’t!” Gilbert yelled, his voice cracking a little. “I’ll handle it! Just stay out of it!” 

Ludwig wasn’t sure what to make of that exaggerated reaction. There was a reason he was gay. Women were just too complicated. 

“What am I supposed to tell him?”Gilbert whispered, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“The truth. And quickly. Francis is probably telling everybody as we speak, he’d be proud of something like this.”

Gilbert moaned again. “I’m going to go do that. You take care of your -” He gestured to the noodle like Feli. “Rag doll.”

“Do you want a ride?”

“Naaaaaaaaaaah. I’ll need the walk to come up with something to say.”

Ludwig nodded. “Alright then. Get to it Soldier.”

Gilbert smiled at the old phrase that they used to use so often. “Alright soldier.” He saluted teasingly, and slipped out the door.

Ludwig looked down at Feli, and poked his cheek. “Wake up, Liebling. We’ve got things to do.”

Feli moaned. “Nuuuuuuuuuu. I’m sleeeeeeeeepy.”

“You’ve been asleep for at least twelve hours. It’s time to get up.” Ludwig stood up, and carried Feli into the kitchen. 

Feli just curled smaller, wrapping his skinny arms around Ludwig’s neck. 

“Will you wake up if I make you pasta for breakfast?”

Suddenly, Feli was bright eyed and bushy tailed. He practically wagged his tail as he sat up in Ludwig’s arms and kissed him on the nose. “Ti amo! Ti voglio bene!   
Ti voglio molto bene! Ti adoro!” 

Ludwig laughed deeply as he received at least ten different kisses to the face. “Alright, alright, I get it. Bribe you with pasta more often, Ja?”

Feli nodded, kissing him on the lips. “Sposami!” He murmured, blushing bright red. Had he really just said that? Did he mean it? Well, yes, he definitely meant it. 

Feli was just glad that Germany didn’t know very much Italian. Because that would have been – embarrassing or amazing or awful. He wasn’t sure. 

Ludwig hugged him tight, determined to find out from Romano what all those Italian words meant later. Well, maybe not Romano. Romano was kind of an ass, and would probably tell him the wrong meaning for all the words. But that didn’t matter, because someone somewhere created the internet. 

“Now, for Pasta!” Ludwig said happily, setting Feli down at the kitchen table. “Pasta, then the world’s problems.” 

“That’s always the way you should do it!” Feli cheered, pumping his fist. 

“Yes, well, we have a lot of problems to solve today.” Ludwig muttered, just a little bit bitter. 

“We do?”

“Ja. We have to figure out how to turn Gilbert, Antonio, and Francis into men.”

“WHAT?!”

Ludwig sighed. Obviously, Feli had been more asleep than he thought.

This was going to be a long day.


	3. Hormonal Urges, Unwanted Kisses, and Unexpected Text Messages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody gets into trouble. England freaks out.

Antonio sighed happily, surveying his new collection of dresses that laid spread out over his bed. That had been fun. Now, to select which dress to torture his poor little Lovi with for the rest of the day. 

Romano sat in the corner, uttering a constant stream of abuse. He cussed out Spain, he cussed out England, he cussed out himself, he especially cussed out France for getting them into this mess. 

Spain grabbed a particularly well cut red sundress with a flourish. He would normally have just changed in front of Romano without a second thought, but he figured that that would make Romano mad. Or rather, more mad. 

Besides, when he thought too hard about that, a small new part of him winced, and tried to cover herself. Spain figured that that must be a side effect of having a vagina. Girls were always talking about how they hated their bodies and stuff. He’d just ignore this strange new addition to his personality. 

“I’m going to go change.” Spain announced, waving the red dress enthusiastically. He slipped into the bathroom with a wink. “Be right back.”

“When you’re done oohing and aaahing over your fat butt, you need to get over yourself and text England like you said you would. France is on his fucking period and you’re ignoring him!” 

“Oh, he deserves a little bit of regret.” Spain called through the door. “He got us into this mess, after all.”

“But you’re fucking enjoying yourself!”

“Exactly!” Spain exited the bathroom, and twirled, nearly panty flashing in the short dress. “What do you think? Sexy?” 

“No.” Romano lied. “You look fat.”

Spain sighed, rolling his eyes. “You’re just jealous, and hiding a boner.”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am fucking not!”

“You so are.” Spain picked up his phone with a peculiarly feminine twist of the wrist. “I’m texting England now.” 

He quickly typed his text, grinning slyly. “Hey, England…”

“IF THIS IS ANOTHER EYEBROW JOKE I SWEAR TO GOD SPAIN YOU’RE ALL THREE DEAD.”

“We may have a problem.” Spain sent the text with a small chuckle. 

“What?” Spain could feel the worried aura of the text oozing from the phone. This was so great. He considered drawing this out as long as possible, but decided   
against it. This was going to be hard enough to take quickly, let alone through a pain staking series of vague texts designed to induce mass hysteria. 

“I’M A GIRL.” 

“Are you telling him?” Romano asked, almost nervously. 

“Oh I am.” Spain winked again, sending Romano into another constant stream of verbal abuse. 

“Oh bloody hell…. That may be my fault.” 

“Yeah, I figured. By the way, France and Prussia are also girls, and I think France may be on his period.” 

Spain dissolved into a fit of spastic giggles, collapsing onto the bed. He rolled back and forth, finally burying his face in a pillow. He imagined the terrified look on England’s face as he read that France was on his period. 

His phone dinged again, and he opened the text with shaking fingers. 

“BLOODY HELL.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Romano muttered as Spain laughed so hard he fell of the bed. “Nobody cares.” 

 

~~~~~~*~~~~~~

 

Prussia stood on Canada’s front porch. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and knocked loudly on the front door.   
He could hear the approaching footsteps of his beloved Mathew coming to the door.

God, what had it been that he was going to say again? What was his explanation? Did he even have an explanation?! He was pretty sure he had had an explanation, before he had rung the doorbell and experienced an adrenaline high like one could not believe. 

Mathew opened the front door, a hopeful expression on his face. He held Kumajiro tighter in confusion as he beheld the completely feminine version of his boyfriend. Was this some weird coincidence? Or what? 

“Wh-who are you?” Mathew and Kumajiro asked at the same time. 

“I – “ Prussia gulped. “Am here to deliver great wisdom and understanding.”

Mathew leaned against the doorway seriously, not entirely sure what he was supposed to do. “Are you selling something?” 

Prussia shook his head vigorously, and cleared his throat. “So you know how some people get sex change surgeries?” he asked, thinking this a perfect sentence to open his little speech with.

Mathew sighed. This was another one of Alfred’s weird pranks, wasn’t it? Could this be revenge for the Hamburger Stealing Incident? “I’m perfectly happy being gay, damnit. Go away.”

He tried to shut the door, but Gilbert shoved his foot in the jamb. “No! Wait!”

Mathew winced. He really didn’t want to have to try and escort this creepily familiar woman off the property. What if he accidentally hurt her or something? 

“I have a hypothetical question!” Gilbert yelled. “If a man gets turned into a woman for three days, will he have three days worth of stubble when he is turned back into a man?”

Mathew blinked. “What?” 

“You heard what I said.” Gilbert squeaked. “I have another hypothetical question.”

Gilbert took Mathew’s stunned silence as an invitation to continue. “If a man gets himself into a mess with a certain magical powered person, will certain persons still love him?”

“Gilbert?” Mathew squeaked. “What?”

Gilbert moaned, and slumped his head against the door frame. “England turned me and the rest of the BTT into chicks. I don’t know why, I don’t remember what   
we did. But I’m a girl for the moment.” He grinned weakly.

Mathew looked Gilbert over, still confused. “How do I know you’re really Gilbert, and not someone who’s trying to be cruel?”

Gilbert thought about that for a second. “Well, your name is Mathew Williams, and no one knows this, but you’re stronger than America, and your favorite color isn’t actually red, its pale green, like mint leaves. You’re near sighted, speak three languages, and have this eerie obsession with Maple Syrup. Your Birthday is April 2nd, you were born on a Saturday, and you have a birthmark on your – “ 

“Alright, alright!” Mathew interrupted, grabbing Gilbert’s hand and yanking him inside. “I get it, you’re the real deal.” He shut the front door, and shook his head, trying to clear it of scattered thoughts. “I didn’t realize you knew so much random trivia about me.”

Gilbert shrugged. “I’m kind of a closeted stalker.”

“I gathered that much.” 

Gilbert winced, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. He stood with feet spread, shoulders slightly slouched, one hand hooked in his belt loop.

Mathew decided the gesture incredibly odd looking on a female. He didn’t like it.

“Do you want a drink or something?” he asked awkwardly. “I kind of don’t know what to do here.”

“Don’t worry! England is going to turn us back into guys as fast as possible! I promise this isn’t permanent. As fun as France thinks it is, I really hate having hips.   
They make walking super weird! I really hate it! And everything is super emotional as a girl! I almost cried at least four times on the way here! It’s insane!   
Hormones are wack! I want my dick back!”Gilbert babbled on, waving his skinny arms frantically. “I don’t know what to do! Francis told me to make as many people’s lives living hell as possible, but I don’t know if I want to! Screwing with Ludwig was pretty fun but….” He trailed off, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t want to be a bitchy girl anymore.”

Mathew blinked, trying to take in the overflow of information. He set Kumajiro down gently, and pulled his boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other/thing into his arms. 

Gilbert buried his nose in Mathew’s chest, sniffing a little. He gripped his sweatshirt tightly, curling up a little. 

Mathew gently stroked Gilbert’s long hair, eyes wide in shock. He was supposed to comfort him. It was his job as a boyfriend, to make sure his significant other was taken care of. 

But his boyfriend was a girlfriend. A hot girlfriend. 

Mathew tried not to think about his sexuality too much. When he did, it wasn’t in terms of who he wanted to have sex with, it was in terms of who he did or didn’t love. He had loved girls before. He had loved guys before Gilbert. He loved Gilbert now. He supposed it possible to fall in love with a girl version of Gilbert. You know, on the off chance that England couldn’t change them back. 

Jesus Christ. Jesus flipping Christ on a pony. Jesus Christ on a pony with rainbows and flipping Jellyfish.

This was weird as hell.

Mathew hugged Gilbert tighter, vaguely wondering how Romano was taking this with Antonio, Spain being the only other member of the BTT involved in a relationship. 

Gilbert sniffed again, pulling away and wiping his eyes furiously. 

“I – uh – don’t worry?” Mathew squeaked, looking down at Gilbert. He gently reached out and rubbed his should comfortingly. “We’ll figure this out, okay?”

“I wasn’t just crying.” Gilbert announced, wiping his button nose on his sleeve. 

“Yeah, okay.” Mathew said softly, gently brushing his hand over his – her – his cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too!” He seemed relieved. 

Mathew watched as a slow grin spread over Gilbert’s face. “Would you like to go cause some trouble with me?” 

Mathew sighed, chuckling a little. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked Gilbert over, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “We’re going to have to get you some girl’s clothes. Those skinny jeans were not meant to be worn by a person with actual calves.” 

Gilbert bounced on his petite toes. “Bring it on!” He pumped his arms in a distinctly masculine way. 

“And we’re going to have to walk by Alfred’s house, and trick him into thinking he fell through the rabbit hole again.” 

“Again?” Gilbert asked, confused.

Mathew only smiled wide; leaving Gilbert both parts scared and curious. He chuckled a little, picking up Kumajiro again. “You ready to go, my dear?” he asked, offering an arm out. 

“Y-yes?” Gilbert took his arm, suddenly wondering exactly how much trouble they were going to get into. 

This was going to be an exciting day. 

 

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

 

Francis moaned. Clutching his stomach, he picked up the bottle of Tylenol again. “How long until this stuff kicks in?”

“At least another fifteen minutes. Stop griping, we all know it’s not as bad as you’re making it out to be.”

“Elizabeta – “ Francis started to whine. 

“No.” She snapped, viciously pulling a carton of ice-cream out of the refrigerator. “You’re acting like a wimp. Any woman worth her salt would be at the very least mostly fine right now. And if she wasn’t, we would have sympathy on her because she wouldn’t be wailing like a dying cat. Now, if you want me to help you at all, you’ll kindly shut up.” 

Francis winced. “Alright.” He knew that He had royally ticked Hungary off. Like, she could be really intense, but she was normally relatively cordial and kind. This angry beast must be some part of her he had woken up on accident. He had always known that she had an angry side, he just had, in the past, ran away as fast as possible when she came into the room looking like she wanted to rip someone’s liver out.

He didn’t really have the option of running away right now. He needed her to stay alive.

Francis snuck a glance at Liechtenstein. Maybe he could try and talk to her. She was sweet. He normally wasn’t allowed to get within twenty feet of her, what with Switzerland running around like the apocalypse was happening. 

This was his chance to get to know her. Not because he would want to sleep with her when he got back to normal, but because he was curious. He wanted to see what she was like, see if she deserved the reverence, protection, and idolization that everyone who knew her awarded. 

“So Liechtenstein, what do women normally do when they’re on their periods?”

“Well.” Liechtenstein folded her hands in her lap, ignoring the glare from Hungary. “We usually stay around the house. Some girls like to run around and do physical activity to make the pain go away. All women seem to really like eating ice-cream.” She nodded at Hungary, who was aggressively scooping up three bowls of said dessert. “We also seem to really like watching Chick Flicks.”

France made a face, sticking his tongue out. “I may be the love doctor, but I’m not that gay.”

“It’s not gay when you’re a girl. You’ll get the urge eventually, I can almost promise you.” 

“Stop fraternizing with him.” Elizabeta slid two bowls across the kitchen table, and sat down herself. She took a huge bite, cheeks rounded like a chipmunk’s. 

“He’s the enemy.” Her words slumped together around her mouthful of food, making it sound like she said “fe’s de frenemy.” 

Liechtenstein smiled down at her ice-cream. “Oh! I love chocolate ice-cream! Thank you so much Hungary! And Thank you France for having some in your freezer!” 

“You can call me Francis. Or Frankie, since I’m a girl right now.”

“I’ll just call you Francis. And You can call me Lili!” 

“You call her Lili and I’ll rip out your gizzard.”

Francis gave Hungary a sad look. “Are you on your period too? Poor thing.” He clucked sadly, shaking her head. 

‘Lili’ giggled, taking a tiny bite of her frozen dessert. 

Hungary somehow managed to shoot both of them dirty looks. “I am going back to my house after this delicious ice-cream, and I am going to some comfortable clothes and bring them here for you. Lili is coming with me, and she is not staying here or talking with you. After I bring you the clothes, I’ll make sure you’re not going to die, then we are going to go back to our original plan, and have a fun girl’s day out.” 

“Could I – “

“No. You don’t count as a girl.”

“I’m on my fucking period, does nothing please you?”

“Don’t say that word around Lili.”

“Are you trying to turn this into a cat-fight?”

“Don’t make me strand you here with no feminine products.”

“Fine.” Francis huffed, crossing his arms. He stuffed a mouthful of ice cream into his mouth aggressively. He was so done with this day. SO done. Damn anyone   
that tried to cross him. 

 

~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~

 

England stared his phone, still in shock, even after almost an hour. 

“Mint bunny?” he called weakly. “I think we have a problem.”

Mint Bunny looked concerned. 

England decided the best plan would be to survey the damage. He’d call each of them, make sure they were actually on their periods, and have them hide in his   
basement so no one would know what he did. 

Best plan. 

Before he could even unlock his phone, it buzzed frantically.

Arthur jumped, nearly dropping the phone. He gulped, then opened the text message. 

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE”

England groaned. He must really be on his period. Oh God. Bloody hell. 

He took a deep breath. He would be strong, and cool, and collected. He would explain, and then get to work. He would make sure that they got back to normal   
within twenty four hours, and fix everything. It couldn’t be that big of a deal to try and turn them back. He’d just use one of those un-doing spells. 

He’d fix it. 

“I know you’re panicking France, but you have to hang on.”

“IM BLEEDING FROM MY NETHER REGIONS” 

“I KNOW. Calm down!” England stood up, and hurried out of the room, shoulders hunched. 

He entered his lair, a bead of nervous sweat dripping down his forehead. 

“MY GUTS FEEL LIKE THEIR BEING CLAWED FROM THE INSIDE OUT”

England moaned, and pulled his book of Corrective Spells from the shelf. This was so bad. So, so bad. Curse his bloody allergies. 

“HURRY I FEEL TERRIBLE AND MOODY AND I WANT TO WATCH A CHICKFLICK”

“HANG ON BLOODY HELL” England yelled as he typed his ferocious answer.

“DON’T CURSE AT ME I ALREADY FEEL TERRIBLE”

“Jesus Christ.” England muttered. “Jesus bloody hell. Good Lord above help me I am going to tear out someone’s spleen with a hoe.”

 

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

 

“Lovi?” Spain asked, leaning just a little bit closer. 

“Get your grimy paws off me! I am not going to kiss you! I ain’t putting up with this shit! This is abusive! I’m calling this sexual abuse! Help! Help! This transgender faggot is trying to rape me! Help!”Romano jumped away, still yelling. 

Spain smiled a little, gently touching the side of Romano’s face. “But baby – “ He looked away, eyes wide and nervous looking.

Romano frowned. He didn’t like that frown. It looked pathetic and lonely and – Shit he was already breaking. 

“I fucking hate you!”he turned and crossed his arms over his chest, refusing to look at Antonio. 

“Oh, okay.” Spain made his voice soft, a little sad and broken. He took a deep slow breath to hide the devious giggle that threatened to slip out of his mouth.   
Romano turned, having halfway convinced himself that he was about to cry, and found himself pinned in a lip lock that wasn’t quite as unpleasant as he’d thought it be.

“Your lips are too fucking soft.” He gasped as Spain let him go. “It’s just wrong.”

Spain grinned, and shrugged a little. “What can I say?”

“Fuck yourself.” Romano muttered. “That’s that you can say.”


	4. America and Russia receive a Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilbert and Mathew get themselves into trouble. France has some bonding time with Liechtenstein. Seriously, that's the whole chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for the brevity of this chapter guys... I just didn't know what else to put in. *Shrugs*

America was sitting calmly in his car at the local McDonald’s drive through. He had no expectations for the day other than to simply enjoy himself. He might play some video games, watch anime on the sly, try to get up the nerve to call his crush and fail… It would be quite the heroic day. 

It would be a day that anyone could be proud of. If he was feeling really motivated, he might even clean his room. 

He pulled up to the first window, and pulled out his wallet. “It’s eight dollars, right?” he asked, fumbling around with some quarters. 

“Yes sir!” A suspiciously familiar voice said with a chirp. 

America froze, and slowly drew his eyes upward. “Canada?” he asked with a scared tremble in his voice. 

Canada smiled a little, and held out his hand for the money. “I’m sorry; I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

America frowned. This couldn’t be happening again, could it? He could have sworn he didn’t accidentally take anything last night! Was this some kind of practical joke then? 

America was fairly certain that it would be below Mathew to not only how up in a McDonald’s drive through, but to wear a captain America shirt while doing it. 

“Mathew?” He asked, finally handing over the money. 

“I’m sorry sir, but if you could pull up to the next window please.” Canada shoved the money in the register and shooed him along. 

America gripped the steering wheel tighter, and obeyed the Canada knock-offs instructions. 

He pulled up the second window, relatively certain that he was safe from anything startling or bizarre. 

“Hallo, mein Dear America!” Prussia let his accent out in full force, to get his point across. 

“Agh!” America jumped, nearly stomping on the brakes and hightailing it out of there. But his hungry stomach and his longing for the cheap burgers he knew   
awaited him held him firm. He was the hero. He would be brave. 

“Here’s your order!” Prussia chirped, falling into his classic hissed laughter.

America moaned, taking the bag of food. “Can I have my drink please?” 

“Yes, just one moment, Alfred.” Prussia grabbed a cup and turned to the drinking fountain. He smiled devilishly and made sure to pour him diet coke instead of   
regular. 

“Here you go my dear sir!”

America moaned, grabbed the cup, and peeled out the parking lot as fast as he could. “I hope to see you around sometime!” Prussia yelled after him. 

 

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

 

Russia walked slowly through the neighborhood that all the countries lived in, large hands hidden in massive pockets. He smiled distantly, eyes scanning the streets for someone to talk to. 

Ivan was very proud of himself, as he had narrowly escaped being followed by Belarus. He shivered a little at the thought of her following him around all day with that knife of hers. She was just too much. 

He walked a little faster, looking discreetly over his shoulder. No, he was still safe. 

He allowed himself to whistle a little, since he knew she wasn’t around. The simple melody calmed him, and made him feel – more put together. 

Russia’s eyes were soon drawn to the hunched and cackling figures of two countries approaching him from down the street. He quickened his pace, eager to greet them. 

Ivan recognized Canada quickly as one of his old allies. The other one though – she looked similar in style to Prussia, only very, very feminine. She had long, lithe legs clothed in tight leggings and a thin, peculiarly attractive body. Her face was framed with layered, almost shaggy shoulder length hair. Her pale, luminescent skin, in Russia’s mind, was just begging to be touched. 

Canada, noticing Russia’s attentive stare, wrapped his arm around Gilbert’s waist protectively. He knew that look. He’d seen many guys get it, especially after long periods with no sex. 

“Ignore Russia, alright?” Canada whispered in Prussia’s ear. “None of your usual bluster and bluffing.” 

Prussia shrugged easily, completely missing the point of what Mathew was saying. “I’ll be fine! It’s just Russia!”

Mathew closed his eyes, knowing that while he couldn’t necessarily stop him from making things worse, he could carry him out of the situation, if needed. He   
took small hope in that fact, knowing that Prussia would squirm almost uncontrollably. 

“Hallo my dear friends!” Russia called, picking up his pace. “How does it go for you today?”

“We’re doing absolutely splendid!” Prussia yelled, thinking only of ways to make Ivan question what was really going on. “How’s the economy going? Still utterly terrible?”

Canada winced, tightening his grip around Prussia’s waist. 

Ivan smiled pleasantly. “The economy is fine, thank you. We are doing quite well together.”

“Yeah, that’s right, ‘cause you’re a communist country.” Prussia stuck his tongue out. “So you’ve got to do everything, even sex, as a group.”

Ivan cocked his head whilst Mathew pulled Gilbert forcefully in the opposite direction. 

“Do you find that appealing?” Russia asked. “Since, you know, you’re not technically a country anymore.”

Prussia pulled out of Canada’s grip and stomped towards Ivan. “If you think you can still beat me in a fight, you’re wrong! I’m stronger than you’ll ever be! You   
wanna see this in action? Let’s go! I’ll beat your sorry ass any day!” 

Mathew grabbed Prussia around the waist with one arm, and picked her up bridal style. “Sorry sweet cheeks.” He muttered as he squirmed and yelled about how strong he was. “You just don’t understand.”

“Consider becoming one with me again sometime, Prussia!” Russia called. “You remember how fun it was!”

Prussia froze halfway through cussing Canada out. He bit his lip, and closed his eyes, burying his nose in Canada’s shoulder. 

Mathew walked faster, hoping to God that Russia didn’t decide to follow him. 

 

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

 

France moaned, and pressed play on the movie. “I can’t believe I’m doing this!” he yelled to no one in particular. “I just can’t believe it. It’s a chick flick! What am I thinking?” 

He crossed attempted to cross his arms over his chest, but failed due to the new additions there. “How do women do anything?” he yelled. “With these things in the way!”

“I hate everyone!” he announced. 

France found it hard to focus on the movie, despite the fact that he had so desperately felt the need to watch it. He just couldn’t think straight, what with this   
uncomfortable wrenching feeling in his stomach, and pounding in his temples. Every time he tried to move something got in the way, be it a strange new addition to his body or a piece of furniture. 

He moaned, and buried his face in the pillow. This day was just terrible. He wanted to die. He wanted everyone to just go away and goddamn anyone that tried to talk to him. 

“Francis?” A small voice whispered. “Are you alright?”

France jerked upright, back stiff and alert. “What is it Lili?” 

“I have your things from Hungary.” Liechtenstein held out the brown paper sack with slightly trembling fingers. “There’s another box of Tampons, some pads if   
you decide you need them, and some clothes. She even put a bra in here that she thinks will fit you.” 

France smiled. “Thanks.” He said softly. He stood up and grabbed the bag. “Is she – “ He looked behind Liechtenstein for Hungary. 

“No. She said she’d rather spend the day with Austria than with you.” Liechtenstein giggled. 

“That bad, huh?” France held the bag close to his stomach, as a strange kind of shield. 

Liechtenstein nodded. “Yeah, just a little.” 

“Does she – “ Francis bit his lip. “Is she waiting for you.”

Liechtenstein shook her head. “No. I thought you might like some company. If want to be alone though, I can leave.” 

France immediately took back everything he had thought about needing to be alone. “I’d love to have your company!” He said, taking her hand with slight bow. “I don’t get to see enough of you, what with dear old Switzi being so protective.” 

Lili giggled, and followed him to the couch. “He is kind of like that, I suppose.”

France gave her a long look. “Lili, honey, he barely lets you out of his sight. I don’t even know how you’re here right now.”

Lili blushed. “He - he thinks I’m with Hungary.”

Francis widened his eyes melodramatically. “Fibbing, aren’t we?” 

Liechtenstein blushed more. “Just a little.” She squeaked.

“Oh, that’s okay, I won’t tell.” France patted her on the shoulder. “I wouldn’t want to be beat to death with his peace prize, now would I?”

Liechtenstein giggled again, sounding not unlike a very happy little bird. “No, you wouldn’t. But I don’t think he actually would do that anyways…” She trailed off, a puzzled expression on her face. “No, I don’t think he’d use the peace prize.”

“Why not?”

She grinned slyly. “It’s too expensive.”

Francis chuckled, leaning backwards into the couch with a contented sigh. “That’s true, Lili. That is so true.” 

Liechtenstein pointed to the television. “Have you actually been watching this?” 

Francis shook his head. “No. I can’t focus.”

Lili bit her lip. “Francis, this is kind of a terrible show. Do you want to watch something else?”

Francis shrugged. “What would you like to do?”

It was Liechtenstein’s turn to shrug. “I don’t know. You’re the one on your period, not me!”

France sighed, and stretched. “I’ve never had a period before. What do you suggest I do to make myself feel better?”

Lili grinned, and sat up straighter. “Well I know that I never like being alone.”

“That’s why I have you.” Francis teasingly patted her shoulder. Despite the fact that the only reason he was with Lili right now was that he was a girl, Francis still wished he was a guy. He felt like he was completely helpless, and it totally sucked. 

Liechtenstein smiled. “Would you like it if I braided your hair?” 

France smirked, tossing his tangled blonde curls over one shoulder. “Baby, you know you want to play with this fine hair.”

Liechtenstein giggled. “I do, actually!”

“Bring on the hair styling then!” France grinned, vaguely curious as to why he suddenly wanted so badly to do absolutely whatever made her happy. It was a weird, but pleasant feeling. 

Lili giggled again. “Okay, you’re kind of taller than me, so do you mind sitting on the floor in front of me?” 

“I don’t mind at all.” France scooted down to the floor in front of her, crossing his legs. 

Liechtenstein gently pulled his long hair out into her lap, sighing happily. “You have really pretty hair.”

“Why thank you!” Francis made a valley girl pose. 

“Tell me if I accidentally pull your hair, alright?”

France deeply doubted her ability to harm anyone, be it accidental or on purpose, but he nodded anyway. 

“I think I’m going to French braid your hair because not only is it pretty it’s funny.” Lili announced as she brushed her fingers through his long hair, softly pulling out the little snarls. 

France chuckled. “I don’t actually know what that means, but I trust you.” 

Liechtenstein began to braid his hair slowly. She stopped to push a small strand of hair out of her face, and continued onward.

“Why did you cut off your hair?” Francis asked. 

“Because I wanted to look like Switzerland!” 

“Really?”

“Yeah…” She blushed. “I guess it’s kind of silly, but I just really wanted to look like him.” 

France shook his head, forgetting that he was getting his hair done. “No, that’s not silly at all. That’s – that’s really sweet.”

She blushed. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. You’re a really sweet girl.” France turned slightly, and patted her knee. 

She blushed more. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, ma Cherie!” 

 

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

 

“Canada, I swear to God if you don’t put me down I am going to kill you!” Prussia shrieked. “You’re a bastard! I’m not happy! Put me down!”

Canada opened the passenger door to his car and gently set his little Prussia in the seat. He shut the door and slowly walked around the car, grateful for the reprieve from the noise. 

He climbed into the driver’s seat with a sigh, locking the door. He looked around for Russia one last time before turning on the car and driving away. 

“Why did you do that?” Prussia demanded. “I had everything under control!”

Canada waited for him to run out of breath before he spoke. “Did you not see the way he looked at you?” 

Gilbert narrowed his eyes. “Looked at me how?” 

Mathew resisted smashing his head against the steering wheel. “I don’t want you walking around alone, alright? Don’t go out at night at all, and if you hear anything weird outside your house, call me. If you think someone’s in your house for whatever reason at all, call 911. Then call me. Lock yourself in your bedroom or something.”

“Why the hell would I call 911? I can take care of myself!”

Mathew sighed, and pulled over to the side of the road. He calmly unseat belted himself, and pulled Prussia into his lap. He wrapped him in his arms and sighed deeply, burying his nose inside his shoulder. 

“Mathew?” Prussia whispered, realization dawning on him. “I’m a girl, aren’t I?” 

“You are.”

“Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh.” Gilbert gulped. “I see.”

“You understand now?”

“Yeah.” Gilbert curled smaller. “I’m still strong enough to take care of myself, alright?” 

“I know you are.” Mathew rubbed Gilbert’s back gently. “Just call 911 just in case, alright?”

Gilbert made a face, but nodded. “fine.” He snorted. “But only to make you happy, not because I need police or protection or anything.” 

“Right. Sure.” Mathew chuckled. “Totally.”

“Can we go back to making Alfred’s life hell?” Gilbert asked, eyes lighting up. 

Mathew sighed, shaking his head. “I supposed we may.”

“Yeah!” Gilbert pumped his tiny fists. “Let’s do this!” 

Mathew gently helped Gilbert back into the passenger seat with a small sigh. 

As he put the car back into gear, a thought occurred to him. 

“You know, I hate to say this Gilbert, but it might be more fun to include Alfred in the mayhem.”

“What?”

“Remember the last prank war?”

Gilbert winced. “Yeah, I do.”

Mathew chuckled. “Let’s drive by his house and see if he’s home yet.” 

Gilbert settled back in the seat with a lazy yawn. “We should see if we can find Hungary too. I bet she’d love to hear about all this.”


	5. England Creates What is Commonly Known as a Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> England tries to remedy the situation with another spell.

England moaned, and turned another page in his endless book of corrective spells. There just didn’t seem to be a spell for reverting back to original gender! 

There were some very broad chants for reversing curses, but it was almost as dangerous to use one of those as to place the actual curse. Who knows, he could accidentally give them horns or something next!

What made it even worse was that the appendix at the end of the book wasn’t even in alphabetical order! It wasn’t even reverse alphabetical order! It was X’s first, then A’s. Then there wasn’t even any sorting at all.

England briefly wondered if this was another side effect of his fateful sneeze. 

“Flying Mint Bunny, I just don’t know what to do. There’s no way out of this!”

Flying mint bunny made a concerned face. “Why don’t you have them come here, so they’re not getting into trouble?” 

England paled. That hadn’t occurred to him. “I’ll call them all right away.” 

 

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

 

Prussia snapped open his phone with an aggressive flick of the wrist. “The Awesome Prussia. What do you want?” 

“Stop whatever you’re doing right now.” England ordered.

Prussia groaned. “How did you know?”

“You have to – wait, know what?”

“Nothing!” Prussia hurried waved at America and Canada to hurry up. “Nothing at all.”

“If this is one of your sick jokes you’re talking about, desist immediately.” 

Prussia stuck his tongue out, even though Britain couldn’t see. “Why should we?”

“Because I need you back at my lair to try out some spells to turn you back.” 

Prussia sighed, leaning onto one hip. “Give me one good reason to do what you say.”

America and Canada stopped loading explosives into the back of the truck, and snuck over to where Prussia was. 

England moaned and pulled his hair. This was Prussia, just about the only way to sate him was to stoke his ego. “I’ll say you’re awesome at the next world   
meeting.”

“Deal. We’ll be there in five.” Gilbert snapped the phone shut with a triumphant grin. “Aright guys, temporary change of plans. We’re going to England’s house.”

 

~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

 

France leaned backwards, laughing hard. “He seriously did that?”

Liechtenstein nodded, giggling. “He did! But its okay, because after that, he realized what happened.”

Francis fell backward, lying on the floor. He gently fingered the end of his braid, a small smile flickering over his face. 

“You alright?” Liechtenstein asked, bending over. She smiled gently down at him, the sun creating a sort of halo around her face. 

France nodded, sitting up a little. “Lili?” his voice sounded hesitant.

“Yes?” She brushed a strand of her choppy blonde hair out of her face, looking at him worriedly.

“We should do this again, even after I get back to normal.”

“That sounds like fun!” Lili clapped her hands in excitement. “I like being with people!” 

France almost sighed in relief, not even having known he was tense about something so simple. Of course she’d want to spend more time with him! She was Lili! She loved everybody! 

“Lili? Is there anybody you don’t like?” Francis sat up, and scooted a little closer to her, eager for her answer. 

“Well…” She tapped a delicate finger against her chin. “I don’t know.”

Damn. She had to think about it. She had to ponder and question and search because she genuinely really liked almost everybody. 

Damn. 

“Russia kind of scares me, but I’m sure there’s a nice guy under there somewhere!” She giggled. “Same with Belarus.” 

Francis draped an arm over her shoulder and pulled her into a tight hug. “You’re great, you know that?”

Liechtenstein blushed a little. “Thanks.”

Francis was really starting to hope that Lili wasn’t Lesbian. 

His phone buzzed interrupting his train of thought. He gently retracted himself from the hug, and reached up onto the couch for his device. 

“Hello?”

“France?” A clearly confused British accent asked. 

“That would be me.” He winked at Lili, eliciting another string of giggles. 

“I n-need you to come over to my place, I have a spell to try, but you need to be here in person.”

“Do I have to, Darling?” France twirled a loose curl of his hair, purposely making the tone of his voice sound as sultry as possible.

“Yes! Hurry up damnit!” 

“I suppose I could make the time.”

“I thought you were miserable!”

“Oh, you would not believe the miracles of Tylenol and good company.”France winked at her, grinning. 

“Get over here you bloody hoe!” England yelled, definitely not at all turned on by France’s female voice. At all. That would be ridiculous. 

“Alright, don’t reserve to name calling, I’ll be there soon!” France hung up the phone, suddenly irrationally angry. All he had wanted to do was hang out with Lili! 

First a bloody period, now this? It was too much for a man in a woman’s body to take! Fuck everybody except Lili! 

“Is everything alright?” Liechtenstein scooted forward, a worried look on her face. 

“It’s fine.” France closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

“Did he call you names?” Lili asked carefully, as if she was afraid to make him cry.

Francis nodded a little, vaguely concerned as to why there were tears brimming in his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He said quickly, voice cracking. “This is weird, I’m a guy, I don’t cry over things like this. I’m not even hurt, I don’t think…” he wiped his eyes viciously. 

Liechtenstein hugged him, rubbing his back tenderly. “It’s alright, I’m sure you’ll be fine in a minute. You’re just not used to being in tune with your emotional side, that’s all.” 

Francis chuckled dryly. “And here I thought I was good at that already.”

 

~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

 

Romano put his hands on his hips, resisting the urge to kick Antonio in the shins. “No, You don’t get another fucking kiss damnit.”

Spain sighed. He had been so close that time! He would just have to be patient, wear him down until he would be begging for it.

Having dom urges in a female body was weird as fuck at first, but Antonio was acclimating well to the circumstances, as they were. 

“You stop thinking right now!” Lovino demanded. I know exactly where you’re going in that tiny little brain of yours, and I ain’t falling for it! You will not get me in bed if you’re a girl, and that’s final!” 

Spain sighed melodramatically, leaning all his weight onto one hip. “But darling, you didn’t even know what – “ He was interrupted by the short chirping of his ringtone. 

“One moment.” He held up a finger, and picked up his phone with a choppy “Hola?” 

Romano, meanwhile, concluded that the man he had been dating must really be a total bitch. All Antonio had done all day was tease him and try to stir him up.

Then again, that was Antonio all the time.

It was different though when he was girl! Everything was just more – more wrong! And damn him for being a sexy woman too!

“Really?” Spain’s voice perked up, drawing Romano’s thoughts back to the real world. “Well, that sounds swell. I’ll see you soon!”

“Who was it?” Lovino snapped. 

“England. He wants me to head over to his place, so he can try out a reversing spell. Want to come with me?” he batted his long eyelashes. 

“No! If I go, he’ll fuck it up again, and I’ll be a girl! Or worse, a dog! No, no, no, no, no!” 

Spain shrugged a little. “Alright. I had better get going then.” He stepped forward and gave Lovino a quick kiss on the cheek before sliding out the door. 

Romano sighed, rubbing his forehead unhappily. This day needed to end, and soon. 

 

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

 

England rubbed the palms of his hands together, severely intimidated. These people were not meant to be attractive women. 

Prussia sat, curled up in Canada’s lap, nuzzling his cheek. England couldn’t tell if Mathew was in pain or pleasure at the moment. The particularly short shorts   
Gilbert wore didn’t help. 

Spain still had on the tight, tight red dress. He stood off the side a little, arms folded with a small smile on his face. His eyes were big and brown and had thick, soft eyelashes. It was weird how soft the rather lean man looked. 

And France. 

England wished that France were in another galaxy. 

France was seated in the middle of the room, on the floor, with Liechtenstein next to him. His long, thick hair fell over his shoulder in a twisted braid. Even in cut   
off jeans and a blue t-shirt, he was way too stunning. 

“Well – Ah – If I could have your attention please!” England cleared his throat. 

Everyone but Prussia looked at him. (Prussia was too busy whispering something in Canada’s ear to notice.) 

“I’d like to try another spell now, so if you could all arrange yourselves in a circle, that would be splendid.” Arthur turned slightly to the side, gesturing to a bench   
placed behind what appeared to be a line of salt. “If Liechtenstein and Canada could sit here please.”

“Why is there salt?” Lili asked as she sat herself down, arranging her dress carefully. 

“It’s to keep any excess magic from bouncing onto you.” Arthur explained, grabbing Spain’s hand and making sure not to place himself next to France. “Just in   
case. Wouldn’t want any of you to turn into girls, or boys, or anything untoward like that.” 

England cleared his throat. “Now, I need everyone to close their eyes.”

“What is this, some kind of séance or something?” Gilbert quipped, waggling his butt. 

“No. Shut up.” He cleared his throat again. “Now, if all of you could remain quiet, so that I may focus.”

Francis raised his hand hesitantly. “I have a question.”

“What?” England snapped. “I thought you wanted to get off your period already?”

“No, that’s part of the question.” He shifted slightly. “What if certain persons were wearing tampons when they were turned back into men?”

England blinked, processing that. “Wh – It doesn’t matter! Stop bloody distracting me from the point! Now be quiet while I try and fix this damnit!”

The BTT giggled, but shut their mouths, not wanting to incur anymore wrath upon themselves. 

“Do you think this is going to work?” Liechtenstein asked quietly, leaning over and up to get closer to Mathew’s ear. She watched carefully as England began to chant under his breath. 

Mathew shrugged. “I really don’t know.” He stared blankly at Prussia, who seemed to be trying to figure out a way to slap England’s butt mid chant. As if he hadn’t   
gotten into enough trouble already. 

“Do you want it to work?”

Mathew laughed, a short, hoarse bark. “Just a little bit, yeah.” It was just the tiniest bit odd suddenly not being gay. 

Liechtenstein nodded slowly, patting his hand. “I understand.” 

Mathew looked down at her, slightly confused. He didn’t really know Liechtenstein at all, what with Switzerland running around threatening to beat anyone who came within ten feet of her with his peace prize. He hadn’t realized she was quiet so tiny until now. He was topping the higher end of six foot five, and here was this little, barely five foot two girl talking to him with no hint of fear in her eyes at all. 

It was kind of a lot to think about, what with his main CPU still being down due to shock. 

There was a sudden flash of light, temporarily blinding everyone in the room. “And The End!” Britain yelled, throwing his hands up in the air. “You guys really should thank me because I – “

“I’m still have tits.” France moaned as soon as he was able to see again. He moaned, sitting down suddenly on the ground. 

“I’m still sexy as fuck.” Prussia cheered, hopping on one foot in a circle. 

“Romano’s going to kill me.” Spain murmured. 

“Wh – what happened?” Liechtenstein asked, rubbing her eyes. “I thought the flash meant it was done.” 

“I – I don’t know.” England murmured, taking a few steps back. “It was supposed to be immediate. There shouldn’t be time for it to kick in!” He turned to France,   
waving his pointer finger accusingly. “You must have done something, you wanker!”

“Why do you accuse me?” Francis wailed. “I wasn’t the one trying to slap your butt! I have personal space boundaries most of the time, unlike Gilbert!” He pointed   
at the albino, standing up. “You’re not allowed to yell at me like this England, I won’t allow it!”

“Just because you’re a girl doesn’t mean I can’t yell at you!”

Francis drew himself up to his full height of six five, ready to blow his top and full out attack Britain. 

“Guys, seriously, let’s not fight!” Spain stepped between them, holding out his hands. “It’s not worth the effort!”

“B-but he yelled at me.” France began to tear up.

“Don’t be such a cry baby!” Gilbert taunted.

“You’re not on your freaking period!”Francis allowed himself to be led aside by Liechtenstein, wiping tears from his big blue eyes. She murmured comforting   
things to him, setting him down in a chair across the room. 

“Seriously though, Eyebrows, what are we supposed to do about this?” Gilbert grinned, stepping into his personal space. 

Arthur took several steps away, still fuming. 

“Uh, guys?” Canada raised his hand a little, trying to get everyone’s attention. “Guys?”

“What Canada baby?” Gilbert asked.

Mathew opened his mouth, but Gilbert interrupted him with a piercing whistle. 

Everyone in the room jumped, staring at him. 

“Pay attention to my Canada!” Gilbert yelled.

“I – uh – “Mathew gulped. “If nothing happened here, then doesn’t that mean something happened somewhere else?”

“Lord above.” England crossed his chest, eyes wide. 

“Cause from what I know about these things, there’s always cause and effect and –“

“So someone else is now sporting new genitalia too?” France moaned, burying his face in his hands. “We’re doomed.”


	6. In Which Germany is very Done with Today, and Romano wants to Claw his eyes out

“Germany! “ Italy shrieked from somewhere else in the house. “Germany come quickly something’s wrong!” 

Germany sat up groggily. What? What was that? Italy must be hurt! 

He looked around his office, trying to figure out why he was on the floor. Why was he on the floor? Had he been knocked out? His head hurt, the intruder must have gotten past him to Italy. 

He stood up and stagger out of the room. Why was it so damn hard to walk? He hadn’t gotten kicked in the head this hard since – 

“Germany!”

He fumbled up the stairs and into the bathroom, where Italy’s cries were coming from. 

“Italy what is – ACH DU LEIBE PUT A SHIRT ON.” Germany covered his eyes, stepping back out of the bathroom door. Damn damn damn damn   
damn damn damn. There was a shirtless girl in his bathroom. 

“Germany?”

Damn damn damn damn damn please God NO. 

“Germany I put on a shirt, now what?”

Germany sighed, straightened his shoulders, and stepped into the bathroom. He was going to solve this problem logically and succinctly. He would get things done. This would be easy. 

Italy stood in the center of the bathroom, a t-shirt of Germany’s hanging over his now even smaller body. It stopped just above his knees, and hung off of one shoulder. 

“I think it rubbed off!” Italy chirped, bouncing on his petite toes. 

Damn. Girl Italy had big hips. It was just – wrong. 

“Get some real clothes on!” Germany snapped. He paused, bringing his hand up to his throat.   
Please god no. 

He turned to look in the mirror, and went pale. In his adrenaline rush, he had missed a couple of things. 

Like the fact that there were huge – breasts – hanging halfway out of his classic tanktop. 

And those hips were what had made it hard to walk. 

His face looked strange. He didn’t like it. It wasn’t pretty, but it wasn’t his normal face either. 

“Germany?” Italy squeaked, slipping his soft hand into his boyfriend’s. “Are you alright?”

Germany sighed. “Prussia dies. Painfully.”

 

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

 

“SPAIN YOU DIRTY WHORE!” Romano yelled. This was not the plan. Spain was supposed to come back his normal, hot, male self. This was so not supposed to happen. Not good. Not good. 

“I’m sorry Roma -“ Spain used the special nickname, the sex nickname, the intimate moment nickname, the tomato nickname. 

“Sorry – “ Romano wasn’t sure if he wanted to scream more or cry. 

Spain came up to him and hugged him gently. “I didn’t want this to happen. Being a girl is – strange, to say the least.”

His Spain wasn’t happy, and that was a problem. Spain was supposed to always be happy. He had to be happy. 

Romano had to fix this, fast. 

“Don’t be stupid.” Romano snapped, a little softer than usual. “You just need – some tomatoes.” 

He ran into the kitchen and grabbed the big bowl that sat on the counter. “Hurry up you little shit! They’re waiting for you!” 

Spain quickly stepped into the kitchen, slightly confused. Was Romano – trying to help?

“Sit your butt down!” Romano pointed to the kitchen table, trying to keep up his sardonic glare. He couldn’t let him know that he felt bad. 

“Alright.” Spain sat down hesitantly, forgetting to pull his short dress over his rear. 

Romano set down the bowl of tomatoes in front of Spain. “Eat. Now. Then you’ll stop being so sad and – and such a pain!” 

Spain smiled knowingly at Romano. “Alright.” He carelessly grabbed one off the top of the stack, and tried to take a bite out of it. 

“No - ah! That one’s not perfect!” Romano lunged forward and grabbed the ‘defected’ vegetable out of Spain’s elegant hand. “See?” He said,   
turning it around to show off a small, nearly invisible blemish near the bottom. “You can’t eat that!” 

Romano dug through the bowl of tomatoes, dead set on finding what he deemed to be the ‘perfect’ tomato. 

Spain watched with an amused smile. He loved it when Romano got like this. Caring, but in denial of wanting to care. Loving, but still loud.   
Completely and utterly adorable in every way. 

“Here!” Romano gently shoved the tomato in Spain’s face. “This one is perfect enough for you – Not that I care! You could eat rotten potatoes and I would laugh!” 

Spain gently took the fruit, smiling up at his gorgeous little Lovi. “Thank you.”

Romano forgot what he was doing, and stared. Damn. Spain was really pretty. It was weird as fuck. He was all soft lines and Romano wanted to touch rather badly but he couldn’t and - 

Romano started to lean in for a kiss without thinking about it. 

Spain smiled, and pecked him on the cheek before Lovi could talk himself out of it. 

“I – ah – SPAIN.” Romano swooped in and kissed him hard on his lipsticked, perfectly shaped mouth. “You fool you missed!”

Romano retreated to the other side of the table and sat down in an embarrassed little huff. 

Spain stopped, stunned. Eventually, a huge smile broke over his face. “Y-You’re a good kisser Lovi - “

“Shut up!” 

 

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

 

“Italy would you stop doing that?!” Germany shrieked, pulling his now too large military coat over his shoulders. “It’s not appropriate!” 

“But they’re squishy!” Italy giggled, poking his boob. “You try it.”

Germany moaned, picking up the phone. He quickly dialed Japan’s number, hoping his ally was at home. He held his breath to keep from screaming at Italy again. He was calm. He’d get Japan to help. 

“Herro, Japan-san speaking.” 

“Japan, this is Germany.” He tried to make his voice deeper, so that Japan wouldn’t know he was a- a – ERG. 

“Germany –san, are you alright? Your voice sounds strange.”

“Everything’s fine. Just come over to my house, as fast as possible.”

“Should I bring my bottle of cold medicine?” Japan was seriously concerned for Germany’s welfare; It was unusual for nations to get sick. Perhaps his economy was having problems; that sometimes caused sickness in the personifications. 

“No! Just hurry!” His voice hiked up to it’s full soprano ability at the end. Mortified, he hung up the phone and turned to Italy. “WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP?”

“Oh –“ Italy whimpered slightly, sitting on his hands to keep himself from doing anything else annoying. “I’m sorry – ah.” 

Germany softened and walked to him. He gently wrapped him a smaller than usual but still large hug. “I’m sorry, I’m just stressed. I’m not angry.”

Italy made a sad little noise, nodding. “Don’t worry, we will-ah be very well behaved for you while you’re stressed! Though I don’t know why you’re so stressed, really, it’s only a gender change! It’s not forever! Think of all the things we’ll be able to do!”

Germany tuned Italy out after that. He needed to think. This was bad. This was very bad. 

Good god, what had made this happen? Did the ‘magic’ rub off, like Italy said? Or did England do something Stupid again? Germany hadn’t done anything anger inducing towards England since WWII. He’d kept his slate clean! In fact, he’d been trying to make it up to him, to everybody. He’d done good things!

He wondered slightly at the sharp pain in his chest. This didn’t usually happen when he thought about having hurt other people. Well, okay that was a lie, it did happen – but only late at night when he had lots of time to think about it. 

He decided it must be a side effect of being a girl. 

And all side effects, like sickness itself, could be cured. 

Right?


End file.
